Bienvenidos a la Ohmies Studio
Javier Cruz is an Insight Mindfulness Teacher with the Newark Center for Meditative Culture located in downtown Newark.
S01E07 _Ohmies_ Javier Cruz
Jewell Singletary [00:00:00] [Yoga Wit the Ohmies Intro Music] Javier Cruz is an insight mindfulness teacher with the Newark Center for Meditative Culture, located in downtown Newark and is very candid mat chat Javier, shares a snippet of his inspirational life story shifting from trauma to teacher. We touch on intentional healing in our families and communities and creating a new paradigm for love. Bienvenidos Inside the Ohmies Studio!
Jewell Singletary [00:00:24] Mr. Javier Cruz. I appreciate you for joining me today. We can just jump right in. I would like to know, what was your first introduction to meditation?
Javier Cruz [00:00:37] Well, my journey to meditation began through religion, believe it or not, early on in my life. My family got me involved in their own religion. So I really got committed. And that was my first experience to meditation. Then in my teens, early teens, like I began to use drugs more than I use for very long time. And I ended up in a 12 step program, which is the level that talks about meditation.
Jewell Singletary [00:01:11] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:01:13] So that was my second introduction to meditation. And it was at this point I noticed the difference between the religious aspect and the spirituality aspect. And then my third, my third experience was my girlfriend, told me I needed to read a book or something. So I was like, what do you what do you mean by that? She said, "Javier, you're not doing well, and when you read, do you start getting better." So we went to a bookstore, right. A multilevel, you know, the big yellow store. And we spent some time looking. And Jewell, what happened was that after a while, we both end up holding the same book.
Jewell Singletary [00:02:07] Oh, I love that, yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:02:10] And at that point. It was like I knew that wasn't a coincidence.
Jewell Singletary [00:02:16] Yeah, yes,
Javier Cruz [00:02:18] and the title of the book was "Hating the Angry Brain". From that book, reading that book, I heard about the "Full Catastrophe Living." From "Full Catastrophe Living," he talks a lot about MBSR- mindfulness-based stress reduction program.
Jewell Singletary [00:02:38] OK, yes.
Javier Cruz [00:02:40] So I start looking for the cause. But Jon Kabat-Zinn was really expensive and he wasn't in the area anyway. So I followed Dr. Kevin Gyurina. He was leading the course down South Jersey, so I took the course with him around 20 live in late 2011. I think it was the coach with him. And I started looking for mindfulness meditation groups in the area. And as you know, I don't know, based on my experience. Right, what happened was that I could find mindfulness meditation groups in my area. And so I found a group in Morristown, Insight Meditation Community of New Jersey.
Jewell Singletary [00:03:29] Okay
Javier Cruz [00:03:30] So, yeah. So what happened was that I started attending that group. I met with the teachers and was holding the group in. It was funny because when I when I emailed them asking what are the requirements and how much it is. They reply back and they say, all you need to do is show up.
Jewell Singletary [00:03:58] Oh, I love that. Yes.
Javier Cruz [00:04:00] Yes, so I find out that the teacher has been ordained as monk for eight to 10 years before he's changed traditions. He was in the yoga tradition at the time when he was ordained. So now he was in the terravita tradition. So what happened is that I knew that he knew what he was talking about, so I was getting guidance by someone that knew what he was talking about. And with time, I asked him if he can be my teacher. So he talked to this teacher. And then he agreed to take me in. Sometime after that, I was attending his group, his weekly group. Which was he got on Monday, which is a beginner, and then he got the Thursday, which is a sitting. It's a forty-five minute sitting and 15 minutes question and answer. And once a month, he held a daylong silent retreat. And so I got really into it. And I was attending and at one point he turned to me and he told me, Javier, I think you you ready to attend a week-long silent retreat.
Jewell Singletary [00:05:24] Wow. That's intense.
Javier Cruz [00:05:26] And that's what happened. I was like- when he told me that I really know exactly what he was meant. But when he guide me the way to look because he was [inaudible] in Massachusett. And I started looking about like, you know, no TV, no radio, no writing, no eye contact, no scented Cologne's or soap or anything, no squeaky clothes, no specific issues. I got kind of like scared. I was. I don't know if I can do this or not.
Jewell Singletary [00:06:09] Yes, that is so intense! When you had said you did the one day silence. I'm like, OK, that will be a challenge for me. But then week?? and you can't even squeaky shoes?! Wow!
Javier Cruz [00:06:21] [laughter] Yea I was like freaking out. And I was talking to my girlfriend and my girlfriend, she got a really good a lot of wisdom. She told me, Javier, Just go. Just go. And if you can't handle it, come back. It's not like you're going to be locked up.
Jewell Singletary [00:06:39] Right. It's not prison. [laughter] .
Javier Cruz [00:06:40] I was like, oh, wow.
Javier Cruz [00:06:42] That's kind of. Wow, that makes sense, right? Then I talk to my teacher's wife, Margaret, and I was explaining to her that I was a little concerned that I was really concerned, actually. And she told me, like what what was going on. I said, I don't know if I can do a whole week. Seven, eight days, she told me she's on this "oh, no, no, don't worry about it. It's not a week is a moment at a time. "
Jewell Singletary [00:07:09] OK, OK.
Javier Cruz [00:07:11] I was like, wow, that I knew I could do a moment. I didn't know about a week, but a moment I could do.
Jewell Singletary [00:07:19] Yes.
Javier Cruz [00:07:20] So I did, I attended. And then after that, after some time, I finally arrived with Newark Center for Meditative Culture which is where I am now.
Jewell Singletary [00:07:34] Yeah. Before we get there and jump into NCMC, wow you said, so many amazing things. I love this. I also I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that there are things that happen in our lives because it's and, you know, depending on what you believe in. But I believe in God and divine energy. So I think there are certain things that happen in our life that it's like God's way of saying or that divine energy way of saying that you're on the right path and you're doing the right thing. And I just love that meditation has come to you as a healing practice at so many different points in your life from you using it as a spiritual practice when you were younger, to then using it as part of a 12 step program and your own healing of addiction. And then the third iteration of it coming to your life with your loved ones telling you, I care about you and let go look for a tool at a bookshop that you can use to help heal whatever these emotions are that you have going on inside of you. And I think it's so beautiful that that spiraled into you go so deep into your meditation practice that you actually became a teacher and an instructor and a guide. That's such a beautiful journey.
Javier Cruz [00:09:00] Yes, yes, definitely. And I agree with you at the moment that we was both holding the book. I knew that it wasn't a coincidence. That's why what I mean by that is a higher power. God, however, people like to call it.
Jewell Singletary [00:09:18] Yes!
Javier Cruz [00:09:18] But it was a force way beyond us.
Jewell Singletary [00:09:22] Mmhm I love that. And then also the woman who you were speaking with, where you were communicating your fears about going to the week long meditation retreat. Number one, I love that you spoke up for yourself and you said this is uncomfortable for me, I'm afraid I don't know if I can do this, but then also, again, love one's in your life, pushing you outside of your comfort zone, saying you can do this. And if you decide you have to come home, that's OK, too. But even the woman who and you'll have to remind me of her name. But when she said.
Javier Cruz [00:09:56] Margaret.
Jewell Singletary [00:09:57] Margaret. Yes, when she said it's only a moment at a time. You don't have to worry about the full week. It's literally every single day. It's just one moment of that day and together a few moments. Then you'll have a few minutes, maybe an hour, and then maybe a day. I love it.
Javier Cruz [00:10:16] Yeah, when we think about that, we're talking about mindfulness, which is to be in the present moment, to be right here right now. I was way ahead of me because the retreat was like nine months ahead, and I was thinking about a whole week instead of a moment instead of being right here right now.
Jewell Singletary [00:10:33] Right.
Javier Cruz [00:10:34] So we got good people to bring us back to the present.
Jewell Singletary [00:10:38] Oh, I love that. This is why you're one of my favorite meditations teachers!
Javier Cruz [00:10:41] [Chuckles] thank you. Thank you.
Jewell Singletary [00:10:44] I love that. So talk to me about because I first met you at the Newark Center for Meditative Culture. So talk to me about how you first linked with the organization,
Javier Cruz [00:10:53] With NCMC what happened was that I kept looking for, I kept looking for a group. I couldn't find nothing that's like I said, I was traveling to Morristown, which was like 40 minutes. And one day, periodically I keep checking online for mindfulness group meditation in my area or near me. And nothing showing up. One day, I saw Newark Center for Meditative Culture and I couldn't believe it. Cause this is right at home.
Jewell Singletary [00:11:33] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:11:34] So I sent an email immediately, I was like, hey, listen, the same question like, what are the requirements? How much it is? And it felt so good that I figure they're going to actually put a requirement that I might don't have like maybe they're looking for more experienced people, you know, like I was trying to disqualify myself immediately.
Jewell Singletary [00:11:55] Yeah. The limiting beliefs that we try to talk ourselves out of opportunities. Mhm we all have them.
Javier Cruz [00:12:01] Yes. What happened was it was like deja vu because when I got the email back, she said the same thing my teachers say, "all you need to do is show up." So I started coming to the to the group. It was it was beautiful because like I remember Marcy was the one bringing the cushions in her car, man, every week she was loading and unloading, and doing all that so that we could have a place
Jewell Singletary [00:12:33] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:12:34] so that we can meditate. So in the process of coming to the to the group, we had, Newark Center, had the yearly retreat, the POC retreat they do every year.
Jewell Singletary [00:12:51] Yes. Mhmm.
Javier Cruz [00:12:52] And they asked me if I was interested in guiding a short meditation or talking lovingkindness, which I was immediately agreed I was dying to be part of the group.
Jewell Singletary [00:13:05] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:13:07] After the retreat, some of the founders met with the spiritual director, Kazi, and they talked. They got together talking. They came back and they asked me if I like to be part of Newark Center for Meditative Culture. So I think they didn't even finish saying it when I was like, YES! And then they said, well, what we, what we like for you to do is to go go and check our website, read what we're about, and if after you've read what we about, you still interested, we'll be happy to have you. So I did that. I went and checked the website and the activities that they was planning and what they were doing with the community and everything, and I got even more excited. That's how I became part of the NCMC, from there it was a chance to guide a weekly meditation class.
Jewell Singletary [00:14:10] Mm hmm.
Javier Cruz [00:14:11] And I became the teacher of that class. We have various locations. We was [in] Down Neck. We was in Independent Park. Then finally, as you know, we we got our own home, now we are located at 2 Park Place.
Jewell Singletary [00:14:28] Nice. You all were able to keep this space during the pandemic?
Javier Cruz [00:14:31] So far. So far, yes.
Jewell Singletary [00:14:34] Good! I was like, oh, this sucks! Like you all just got a space right before everything closed. And it's a beautiful space too. It's an awesome little space.
Javier Cruz [00:14:43] Yeah. So what happen was that's how I got linked with them [Newark Center for Meditative Culture]
Jewell Singletary [00:14:50] Nice! That is awesome. And a shout out to Marcy and Kazi doing amazing work to make sure that meditation and mindfulness practices are accessible to everyone that lives in the city of Newark. Everyone that wants to come and visit Newark. I shared with speaking to, I'm sure you hopefully have met Keyana Jones-Nikaamen? Yes, I have been hiking with her for years. And yes, she was telling me how she first linked up with NCMC and Kazi. And I was saying to her when I first moved to Newark, just stumbling on the classes at Military Park and going to the Qigong classes and the meditate your meditation classes all over the city like it was just so awesome to be new to Newark and finding this mindfulness community that was already here, like, oh, this is so cool! And then it being so inclusive because yours was the very first and I believe still the only bi lingual meditation class that I've been in. So I love that you combine your culture with your healing work as well.
Javier Cruz [00:16:02] And at one point we was actually trilingual because when we were in Down Neck, we had Jennifer. So we had we was giving the Spanish, English, and Portuguese.
Jewell Singletary [00:16:13] I love that! Yes! Because for those who don't know, there's so many beautiful cultures that blend here in Newark.
Javier Cruz [00:16:20] Yes, definitely.
Jewell Singletary [00:16:22] That's dope. I want to know, staying with that on that lane, what has been the reception to meditation and mental wellness from the Latino community, particularly in Newark?
Javier Cruz [00:16:37] Beginning with me as a recovering addict that suffers from bipolar and ADHD, I have embraced it with my arms eyes wide open.
Jewell Singletary [00:16:50] Mm hmm.
Javier Cruz [00:16:51] I needed it. I craved it. I dreamed of it. Meditation has made such a profound impact in every area of my life, Jewell, that I knew I had to reach out and offer this gift to others.
Jewell Singletary [00:17:06] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:17:06] From my experience, we have been received well by the Latinx community in Newark. Now things that I see the communities facing, the community faces not only in Newark, but the most of our communities issues, which is one of the reasons that I'm so grateful about Newark Center is the affordability. Not everybody can afford six or twelve hundred dollars to go to a weekly retreat.
Jewell Singletary [00:17:42] Yeah!
Javier Cruz [00:17:43] Or pay for every class. So affordability was something that was needed. I think stability like not everybody can travel to Morristown to make a group [meditation]. And some of the Spanish people that was going to the Latino community had children and they had they couldn't afford the childcare or they worked two jobs, not having time. And most of the people in the area had no idea this such a place existed.
Jewell Singletary [00:18:18] Mm hmm.
Javier Cruz [00:18:20] So we began by putting fliers on polls, putting fliers in local businesses, advertising online, calling the town, informing them that we was in the area, offering free meditation classes and we had a donation base. So they don't have to worry about that. Our main goal is to educate our students and to provide wellness and peace.
Jewell Singletary [00:18:50] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:18:51] Each student, to start this journey can bring it back to the community. Jewell, if we can heal the pain and suffering of our students, we can heal our communities. We have non-English speaking, English-speaking, religious people, non-religious, people that lean more towards spirituality. These consist of elder, middle-aged adults, young adults, parents with children, among others.
Jewell Singletary [00:19:30] Yes, I love that the NCMC was so intentional about really reaching out to the community and letting people know that, yes, we're here and we are all about this healing work. And to your point, they are very mindful about making it accessible to people. I know the one space that you all used to teach out of, what is was that Down Neck? I'm not one hundred percent sure of the neighborhoods in Newark.
Javier Cruz [00:19:56] Yeah, it was in Down Neck.
Jewell Singletary [00:19:58] Yeah! They even had, like, a little child care center space for people to leave their kids so that they could participate in the mindfulness tools. So yeah, that was really cool to see.
Javier Cruz [00:20:08] Yes.
Jewell Singletary [00:20:09] So I have one last official question for you. I know that you're a dad as well, so I wanted to know what type of self-care, wellness tips did you pass on to your children and how did you teach them about self care? And I guess steering them away from the path of addiction and more so rooting into mindfulness as healing tools?
Javier Cruz [00:20:32] Oh, well, this was a challenge, because starting by saying that, unfortunately, my father passed away with the inability to express love and affection. All due to his childhood, he never learned how to hug or say, I love you. He had a very tough life.
Jewell Singletary [00:20:57] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:20:57] And you cannot give something you don't have.
Jewell Singletary [00:21:00] Right.
Javier Cruz [00:21:01] You know, but with persistence and eagerness, I began to hug him. I begin to tell him that I love him.
Jewell Singletary [00:21:10] Yeah...
Javier Cruz [00:21:11] Any time, Jewell, I became to my dad, the dad that I always wanted. I begin to break the cycle with my children.
Jewell Singletary [00:21:22] Yeah...
Javier Cruz [00:21:23] You see, the last time I saw my dad before he passed away on vacation in Puerto Rico, I remember like hugging him. We got pictures. It's funny! Is actually funny, cause I'm hugging him and kissing him. Kissing his face, and both his hands are like down like they're dead.
Jewell Singletary [00:21:42] Awww [Javier laughs] Oh, resisting that love so hard.
Javier Cruz [00:21:47] Yea! One of the things. One of the things that is... that hurt... that is... I think one of the hardest things for me to face with his passing was that I knew my father loved so deeply.
Jewell Singletary [00:22:04] Yeah.
Javier Cruz [00:22:05] And it's so sad he couldn't express it.
Jewell Singletary [00:22:07] Yeah...
Javier Cruz [00:22:08] You know, so, because of that, I was able to break the cycle because my grandfather, this might goes a little deep. My grandfather was really rough, really physical with my father.
Jewell Singletary [00:22:24] Yeah...
Javier Cruz [00:22:24] Then my father was brutal, but he was way better than my grandfather. Then when he got to me, I knew we couldn't continue the cycle. So when I go visit my kids, and they grew up in the Bronx. So they was in Valentine Park. I remember being in Valentine Park, and they were playing handball with their boys. And I stop and call them and they will they will rush to me and hug me, kiss me and tell me they love me right in front of everybody.
Jewell Singletary [00:22:59] I love that. Yes.
Javier Cruz [00:23:01] And they [are] twenty-five [and] twenty-three, and they still hug me, kiss me. Even sometimes when we're on the phone and I can hear his friends making fun of him because he's like, "OK, Papa Duke I love you, Bye-bye." But they're not afraid. That's one of the things that I begin to teach my kids was to be OK with saying I love you, to be OK with cry, to be OK with hugs.
Jewell Singletary [00:23:33] Yeah!
Javier Cruz [00:23:34] I come from a culture where crying is for soft people.
Jewell Singletary [00:23:42] Mm hmm.
Javier Cruz [00:23:43] My mom, my mom is...Nobody loves me in this world more than my mom, and if she saw me crying, she'll be like, "oh, you want cry? I'll give you something to cry about!" you know? Yeah. So it was like crying was prohibited, you know. So instead of instilling these damaging beliefs into my children, I encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings and allow them the freedom to cry without fear and to hug without judgment. I'm able to provide a safe and loving place for my kids to feel comfortable in their own skin and be themselves.
Jewell Singletary [00:24:26] Yes, yes. Thank you. I really appreciate you sharing that. And when I wrote that question, I hadn't even known that it would spark a conversation about generational healing and being intentional, about the healing and the love that we're passing down between generations. So that's a huge part of the work that I do. And I mean, we have so many similarities across the black and Latinx community, especially when we talk about the way that parents show love to their children. But to your point, like, you have to go back and look at your grandparents and your great grandparents and how they express love and then what your parents learned from that and essentially how that trickled down to you, because it was quite similar. Like my mom is from a very small rural town in Georgia. It's right on the borderline of Georgia and Alabama. And my fourth great grandparents, they were enslaved in that town. My third great-grandparents lived on the same property that their parents were enslaved on. And then my grandma, when it gets down to her, she actually took care of her grandparents, who essentially were born after slavery, but they still lived on the same property that their parents were enslaved on. So I don't know how much know freedom my great grandparents had. And so, yeah, my grandma was taking care of them and she was also taking care of my mom and her eight siblings. My grandpa, he was an alcoholic. And so he ended up leaving the family, leaving my grandma to take care of eight kids and her grandparents that so she didn't have a lot of love and affection to give her children, you know, my mom and her siblings. And so my mom didn't necessarily have the most loving relationship with me and my sister. To your point, like my mom hates to say I love you. Like, I feel like I literally have to say, "I love you mom!" for her to say it back to me, she hates to hug. She hates to kiss. And I'm like, so annoying when I'm around her. And it is funny you'll see the pictures like her face scrunched up and she's like, "oh, this is so uncomfortable!" But it's like, No, we're going to express this love. We are going [inaudible]. Yeah, we gotta... We have to talk to each other differently. We have to love up on each other more because this world, it like bashes our heads and every chance that it can get, especially if you're a person of color in this world. So I think within our own families, in our own communities, we have to show that love. We have to be overly expressive of that love. So I just love that your boys... I don't care if they on the block in Brooklyn, they gonna stop, and tell, Pop, I love you, Pop.
Javier Cruz [00:27:15] Yep. Yeah. Yeah [laughing]
Jewell Singletary [00:27:16] That is so beautiful. So Javier we are at the final portion of the podcast and I have one final segment. This is a segment called Inside the Ohmies Studio. It's ten questions. They are rapid-fire questions. You don't have to think too much about them. Have fun with it. Answer with the first word or a couple of words that come to your mind. Don't think about it too much, OK? Just have fun.
Jewell Singletary [00:27:46] So we'll start with a collective breath. Whenever you're ready, just emptying the air that's currently in your lungs. And together, we inhale. And exhale. And we begin.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:05] Describe your personal style in one word. [Javier: Kind]
Jewell Singletary [00:28:12] What's one thing you wish you can change about the world?
Javier Cruz [00:28:15] Peace.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:17] What brings you joy? [Javier: Family.]
Jewell Singletary [00:28:22] What makes you cry?
Javier Cruz [00:28:25] The pain of the world.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:28] What type of impact do you want to have on this earth?
Javier Cruz [00:28:32] Healing
Jewell Singletary [00:28:35] What do you love about being Puerto Rican?
Javier Cruz [00:28:40] The culture.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:40] What do you hope for your community?
Javier Cruz [00:28:45] happiness, peace, healing.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:49] What do you love most about yourself?
Javier Cruz [00:28:53] That I'm a kind person. I care about others. I'm compassionate.
Jewell Singletary [00:28:58] Yeah. What's your favorite book?
Javier Cruz [00:29:01] My favorite book is the Four Agreements.
Jewell Singletary [00:29:06] And the last question, if you can name five music artists that would appear on the soundtrack of your life.
Javier Cruz [00:29:16] That would be in Spanish. [laughs] Gilberto Santa Rosa, Victor Manuel, Tito Roja... Was that three?
Jewell Singletary [00:29:27] Yes, two more.
Javier Cruz [00:29:30] La Selecta and Grand Como.
Jewell Singletary [00:29:31] Thank you. I appreciate you! Thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you spending time. I appreciate you sharing your story, being so transparent. I appreciate the healing work that you do in Newark and now across the globe that you are on zoom teaching. Thank you so much for being willing to teach online. I know it's not easy. It's not a calling for everyone. So thank you for giving of yourself in that way.
Javier Cruz [00:29:58] Thank you. Thank you for inviting me. It was an honor and privilege to be able to be part of your podcast.
Jewell Singletary [00:30:05] Thank you. And then one last thing before we go. If people would like to follow up with you and your teachings, where should they go to find you?
Javier Cruz [00:30:14] The Newark Center for Meditative Culture.
Jewell Singletary [00:30:17] OK!
Javier Cruz [00:30:17] would be the easiest way to find or email me a J.javiercruz@yahoo.com
Jewell Singletary [00:30:25] Awesome. Thank you so much, Javier. We'll put both of the links to those in the show notes so people could find you.
Javier Cruz [00:30:31] Thank you.
Jewell Singletary [00:30:33] Enjoy the rest of your week. Take care.
Javier Cruz [00:30:35] You too, Bye bye.
